Ex-cop in recovery creates hope on fentanyl frontlines (Brock Bevell)
About the Episode
Brock Bevell takes us inside his journey—from working as an undercover cop to battling opioid addiction, and ultimately, to becoming a recovery advocate for the Mesa, AZ community.
After a career-ending injury and medical retirement, Brock didn’t just lose his job—he lost his identity. He opens up about the mental health spiral that followed, his doctor’s flawed belief that cops are somehow immune to addiction, and the devastating moment he realized he had become the very person he judged while on the job.
This isn’t a story about rock bottom—it’s a story about what happens next.
Today, Brock leads street-level outreach through The Fentanyl Project, connecting with people deep in addiction, whether they’re ready for change or not. He speaks candidly about the emotional pain that drives substance use, the broken systems that keep people stuck, the evolving fentanyl crisis, and the hope that recovery is always possible—even if the timing isn’t perfect.
Guest: Brock Bevell, founder of the nonprofit The Fentanyl Project
Brock Bevell is a former undercover officer and person in recovery. Today's he's a resilient and inspiring addiction and recovery advocate, speaker and mentor. His lived experience bridges the gap between law enforcement and those struggling with addiction, offering hope and practical strategies for change via his nonprofit The Fentanyl Project and their street outreach across Mesa, AZ.
This episode will help you:
See the connection between identity loss, pain and substance use
Understand why fentanyl is so hard to walk away from
Learn what actually helps people change
Discover four key areas that support long-term recovery
Watch Now
Episode Links
THE FENTANYL PROJECT
ABOUT BROCK BEVELL:
https://brockbevell.org/
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Brock: [00:00:00] going from a police officer to active addiction to sobriety.
Brock: The Fentanyl project, for me, has been the best gift because it allows me to help people change. It allows me to give them hope. I know. Every person I talk to on the street is not gonna seek recovery. They're just not ready. But I'm gonna plant some seeds and I'm gonna water every time.
Dominique: Welcome to FLOR For Love and Recovery, where I'm your host, Dominique Dajer. Sibling relationships can be so unique, but they can become more complex when there's drug or alcohol use involved. If you find yourself questioning how to help, you're not alone.
Dominique: Every month we bring together stories that empower you to better navigate your sibling's addiction, offer a sense of connection, [00:01:00] and provide fresh perspectives on understanding substance use and how to protect your peace. Join me on this journey in restoring hope and healing.
Dominique: Getting the right help for a drug or alcohol addiction can already feel like an emotional rollercoaster. But adding in more trauma, mental illness, homelessness, and a rapidly changing drug supply can make recovery feel impossible. So in this episode, we're gonna dive into some of the emotional, mental, and societal roadblocks that hold some people back from making decisions they know would change their lives.
Dominique: To help us tell that story, we have Brock Bevel, a retired police officer who struggled with his own addictions. And is now the founder of the Fentanyl Project, a nonprofit based in Arizona. You might know Brock from social media where he spotlights the Misa community and the personal stories that have been devastated by addiction and homelessness.
Dominique: Brock, thank you so much for being on the show today.
Brock: Thank you. Thanks for having [00:02:00] me. This is exciting.
Dominique: I've been following your work for a while and you do such a great job of telling really powerful and up close personal stories, and I thought you were one of the best people to help communicate. This big question around what exactly holds people back from making some of these life changing decisions.
Dominique: And before we get into what you're doing at the Fentanyl project, I really wanna make sure that our listeners know who you are and what your personal story is. So if you wouldn't mind telling us a little bit about your experience as a police officer, how your addiction started, and what your general experiences are.
Brock: Yeah, that's a great question. I didn't grow up. Understanding addiction. I wasn't involved in a a home where addiction was prevalent. I didn't live in a community where addiction was prevalent, but the community I grew up in, Scotsdale, Arizona, it wasn't a thing in our community. When I say my community, I'm talking about the network of people that I hung out with.
Brock: [00:03:00] So when I became a cop, my eyes just got blown open.
Dominique: Mm-hmm.
Brock: Just. The different personalities and the struggles that people went through. Right. Seeing that as an officer, I still didn't understand what addiction was. I would correlate it like I did a DUI stop and I arrested the individual and they were drunk and it was a, a Wednesday at 6:00 PM and it's like, what is going on in your life that you are drinking or using?
Brock: But I still didn't understand the depths of a. I didn't understand addiction till I went through it. I couldn't be empathetic in understanding.
Dominique: It's like you don't really know what's going on in someone's life when maybe you're making that arrest or you're interacting with them. There's something bigger that's compelling them to do this or behave this way, or whatever it might be.
Dominique: So I think it's important to recognize that. One of the things that I wanted to get to as well is how [00:04:00] did your addiction start and like how did you get. To where you are today from that?
Brock: Yeah, so let's back up. A couple of years I was on the police department about a year and a half, get into a foot pursuit, and my dumb thought process is, oh, I'm taking this guy down.
Brock: So we're chasing, I'm running down the street and we come to a a side yard. I go one foot over and when I land, one foot goes into a hole. I take my step and blow my knee out, and my partner Lance goes to. But the fence falls on me. He falls backwards and breaks it. So I'm on one side of the fence with the blown out, and he was just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this has happened.
Brock: If they could have filmed this on cops, that would've been like the greatest episode ever. Why I tell you that is I went to the hospital, the doctor prescribed me opiates, and I took the opiates as prescribed and got back to work. My focus was, I was so young in my career, the opiates didn't play a major role.
Brock: Because my focus [00:05:00] and my, my goal was to get back to work as soon as you can. Well, now let's fast forward to the accident that you talk about. We're doing some surveillance. We had confidential informants that were prostitutes. Well, this prostitute knew that there was gonna be a drug deal, and the surrounding was mom was driving the truck.
Brock: 12-year-old daughter was in a passenger. She was going to traffic the daughter in exchange for the hookup. And so the informant says, Hey, I don't want this girl turning into what I am. Can you please intervene? And I thought that was really cool. You know, that was, there was some depth to that. So speeding up to moments the truck shows up driven by the mom, the daughter's passenger.
Brock: We see the drug dealer who goes to the passenger side has a conversation. We stop the scene, the rest the, the drug dealer, we put 'em on the [00:06:00] curb. But I did look down on the floorboard and there was a bag of dope. So this is her vehicle facing you. And now I'm in the back, right passenger side back tire.
Brock: She gets upset, throws her truck into reverse, speeding up and my right foot gets caught under the back tire. My foot breaks, my ankle breaks. I'm like, Ugh. And then when I went to brace myself with my left foot, she hits me on the inside of the leg and it was like that stretch Armstrong toy. Like, yeah, that's what it felt like.
Brock: So my leg just blew out. Another one where I wish they would've recorded it. I go to the hospital, they bandage you up and they're like, okay, you're, you're okay tonight. You gotta go to your primary care tomorrow. So I walked back to the same primary care that gave me the opiates the first time they did the surgery the first time.
Brock: The doc was such a cool guy, but I think he was misinformed a little bit because he's like, Hey Brock, we're gonna have to get, do a bunch of surgeries, but I'm gonna give you these opiates because you're a cop and you won't get addicted to 'em. And when he [00:07:00] said that to me, I was like, really? Is that how it goes?
Brock: Because I'm a cop. I'm immune to it. Is it uniform? Is it a badge? What is
Dominique: it? You could willpower it.
Brock: Yeah. And it was, it was weird. And it rung weird in my head. I'm. Then that means I can take as many of these as I want because I'm not gonna get addicted. Because the first time I'm, I'm playing back to the first time too.
Brock: I was like, I didn't get addicted then. So here we go. And what was the difference between this time is the first time I was ready to get back to work, I was excited to get back to work by goal. Was that, but the first meeting as well, he's like, Brock, you're jacked up. I don't think I can get you back to work.
Brock: We're gonna try. I don't think I can. And so that was in the back of my mind. Crazy enough. The day I get back, I'm working a concert. We're walking outta the lot, and this car comes flying by us. Oof. And I'm like, you know, p Ts d, and yeah, whatever. I'm like, oh my gosh. Well. They're driving reckless. They drive around to the fountain, the driver and [00:08:00] passenger jump out.
Brock: The passenger jumps in the fountain, starts taking her clothes off, the driver, taking his clothes off. And so we just walked up. I'm like, Hey, Mesa Police. So the guy comes and swings and we're fighting. We're literally fighting. And all I can think about is I came up here with my partner, Tony, where is Tony at?
Brock: And Tony screams knife. The guy goes down to his pant leg and pulls out one of those big Rambo knives. I was able to turn and I struck the guy and I hit him on the side of the face on that bone and I, I blew my hands. So I went from having surgery on my knee to blowing my hand out and the department's like, okay, dude, listen, you're not fit for duty.
Brock: We can't get you back. You have a blown out knee. You have a hand. And to be honest with you, that was a. That mentally was the hardest thing, because now, and I was, I was like, what? There's so many guys out here. Poke me on a track. I can out lift anybody. I can outrun [00:09:00] these guys, but you can't say, I'm not fit for duty.
Brock: But then the guy's like, Hey, if you're in a fight for your life and your partner's there and you get pushed down the stairs and kind of step wrong and your knee blows out again, are you able to defend him? Are you able to. Fight for him. And I'm like, no, I don't know. I don't think so. I'm not that confident in my knee.
Brock: So they medically retired me. That was the caveat. I told you the first time I took the drugs, I didn't care for them. The second time they became my best friend because I lost my identity. I lost who I was. And I think a lot of people, to go back to your question, I think a lot of people lose. Their way, whether it's their identity, it's their relationships, it's their faith, whatever it is.
Brock: For me, it was who I was. I went from living feeling like I was living a life of nitro circus, like just every night something different. Getting called out, just the adrenaline killer rush right [00:10:00] to living. In my home with my kids and I'm changing baby diapers because I can't go to work, and that's not offensive to any wives out there because that's an important job.
Brock: But from where I was to doing that overnight was a blow.
Dominique: It's a culture shock, really. Oh, right. Like you said, I think the important part is you've lost a sense of your identity. I think what happens to a lot of people who become very. Wrapped up with their work where, you know, they work long hours. It's like that becomes part of who you are.
Dominique: And so having that stripped away, it's not like it was a gradual transition. Having that stripped away can definitely take a toll on, on anyone, especially your mental health. Like you, you can also like, very much like the passion that comes through and like how you talk about the work and the cases that you've dealt with and the situations you've been in, and you know, it's like you're, you're transporting us like right back to those moments because.
Dominique: They're so vivid. They were such a huge part of your life. And you can definitely see that.
Brock: Yeah. And I, and I think that's an important element is we do get wrapped up [00:11:00] mm-hmm. In whatever we're doing. Right. And I was wrapped up everything and who I was was wrapped up under that badge. And once that badge was taken away in that cool point, like I was the light of the party, I was working under a cover.
Brock: I had long hair, had earrings and goatees and everybody like dude. Really cool. It was like, that's what I felt. And when that was stripped, I'm like, dude, I'm nobody. I don't even know who I am. And I just went through this depression. It was that mental health is such a big thing. Who you feel like you are, how you self-talk is such important, and, and at that time, the more opiates I took, the better I self-talk.
Dominique: The self-medication. Right?
Brock: Yeah.
Dominique: You were living through this assumption that your doctor had told you like, you'll be fine. Right? Like, Brock, you can handle it, you're a cop. When did you start realizing that, okay, maybe I can't handle it as well as I thought or as well as my doctor thought I did. What were those initial signs when you started realizing this is starting to get a little outta control?
Brock: I didn't ever come to that [00:12:00] realization because I was self-medicating. I was lying to myself and so, and, and if anybody said, Hey dude, why are you taking those pills? I had scars, I had wounds. I had a limp. I mean, like I could say I was a cop and I got run over, so I could, I articulate and justify why it's like you never got run over what are talking about, you know, uh, that psychological warfare that you do with people.
Brock: You were sick as our secrets. It wasn't till year 10, really. I, I thought I was managing, I had a job. I was, I mean, I was still seeing my kids. I had relationship, you know, but what I was actually doing was I was alienating everybody around me. When people say, Hey, nobody was coming to save me, nobody was coming to save me because nobody knew I had alienated everybody, so you couldn't see my demise.
Brock: And so I just pushed you off as far as I possibly could so you didn't see my struggle. And so year 10, I had a system. I [00:13:00] woke up, my pills were right there, my water was right there, I take it, and then I go to the bathroom and do my thing, and then I get my day going. On this one occasion, I go there. My, I don't know if I knocked my pills off or what happened, but they were gone.
Brock: And so I'm like, ah, crap, I gotta go to the bathroom. They're in the bathroom cabinet. And so when I opened the cabinet up, there was this realization that there's all my pills and I'm looking at, I'm like, I had, I had a sharpie in there, so if I took a pill off, I had like marked down how many I had. If I had to take eight during the day, I took no, and they were perfectly placed.
Brock: And so I, I took a pill, shut the cabinet, and when I shut the cabinet, that was the first time in 10 years, first time in 10 years that I realized that I was an addict. Wow. Because that glimpse of the mirror, first of all, looked at me and I hated what I saw. I hated where I had gone. Mm-hmm. And it gave me a glimpse into my bedroom.
Brock: I'm like looking in my [00:14:00] bedroom. I'm like, oh my gosh. Dude, you're, he gave you a
Dominique: glimpse of the reality, right, of this recent, it was the, it was
Brock: a disaster, and I'm like, I have done search warrants on these homes. You're a crack head, dude. That's what I, I called myself. Yeah. I was so pissed that I opened that cabinet back up and I grabbed my pill bottles, every one of them, and I dumped them and flushed the toilet, and then I panicked.
Brock: I realized that ultimate moment dumbest. What did I just do?
Dominique: Yeah, you got like that brief moment of confidence
Brock: and then Yeah, dude, I went from being super cool to like, I just panicked. Yeah. And, and I panicked because here's what's interesting with the opioid addiction, there is a pain, mental, physical, spiritual component to.
Brock: I realized in that moment, because I hadn't come off the pills in 10 years. [00:15:00] 10 years. Imagine that never was sober off 'em. So in that reality, I'm like, oh my gosh. So I'm like, okay, here we go. I don't have any more pills. I can't go and get any from the doctor because I just filled up the pills and I remember the detox.
Brock: Was the worst thing I've ever gone through. I'm 15 years sober. Okay. 15 years. Yeah. And I am, I am deathly afraid of using ever again because I fear the detox. Excuse me. I had neck surgery, I had shoulder surgery and a hand surgery. Zero pills, zero. Pain pills. Why not? Because I'm a hero and superhero and I'm tough.
Brock: I'm so scared of going back and using. Yeah, because of the [00:16:00] detox. That's how scared Yeah, I am.
Dominique: So I have a question for you about that moment after you tossed out the pills and you were like, I'm gonna do this detox on my own. You said you were done. What occurred for you, like mentally and or emotionally in that moment where you could have gone to the street, you could, I'm sure you could have found somebody where you could have sourced those drugs in a different place or in a different form.
Dominique: What was it in that moment where you were like, I'm really done. Like, I don't even wanna try going through these loopholes anymore. Like I, I am just really done. I love it.
Brock: Love it. I never had to go to the streets because I had a drug dealer as my doctor. So I never ever had to go to the streets because I could walk in there and look, pull my chart up.
Brock: I, I've been run over, I've had surgery after surgery, after surgery, so, and I'm in pain. And dude, listen, as an undercover cop, you learn some very good skills on how to lie. Mm-hmm. And manipulate and fake. And so I could talk to any doctor about anything and they would gimme pills. My drug dealer was my doctor, so I didn't have to go out and do [00:17:00] that, but I stayed in the bathroom.
Brock: For seven days and people don't understand what detox from opiates is like, and it's like having the flu times a million. I, I mean, I, I defecated on myself over and over 'cause I couldn't stand up. I urinated on myself. I was throwing up so bad that at one point I was on all fours in the bathtub water pouring on top of me and I'm like.
Brock: Bev, if you throw up one more time, literally you're gonna blow out your backbone. I was dry heaving so bad. And it would, you know, I don't know if you've ever dry heaved, but it's like the worst, like nothing's coming out and you feel like you're, it's just horrible. And then I had this restless leg where it was burning and, and then my eyeball was like really weird shit.
Brock: It was the weirdest. Most terrible in day three. As I'm laying in the bathroom, I'm starting to have a conversation with [00:18:00] God. I'm like, okay, God, really, if you're up there, if you're my guy who we say we are, and would you please pull me out of this? Like, I'm ready. I can't go through this anymore. It was like that, that that's confessional.
Dominique: God is probably like, I've seen this all the time when everyone's on their hands and knees, right? Yeah.
Brock: And what was funny was that was the humorous part is I heard him laugh. When I tell the story, they're like, no, you were, you were struggling. You were hearing things. I'm like, no, it was God. And he laughed at me and said, son, if I let you up out of this and I let you get out, I know what you're gonna do.
Brock: You just want that moment, moment to get out of pain. You're gonna go find a pill, you're gonna find one that you've dropped in your home. You're gonna go search on the streets, like you said, you're gonna find it because you need to be out of pain. So I'm not gonna help you. You are in it. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this dude knows me.
Brock: Yeah. Because in the back of my head, all I'm thinking, if I could just get a pill, if I could just [00:19:00] get out of this pain, just take it away, man. And he didn't. So, but now at day three, I was so weak. I was so tired, I was so depleted. I was mentally beat. You know, people talk about a rock bottom. This wasn't even my rock bottom.
Brock: That's what I want people to understand. This was not it and, and recovery. I don't believe there's a such thing as a rock bottom. You may pinpoint that for you. It's a rock bottom, but give me a shovel. I'll keep digging.
Dominique: Yeah, gimme a
Brock: reason. I'll keep digging. But luckily in this moment, I didn't keep digging.
Brock: I was laying in there and day seven, I'm literally broke. I have nothing, literally nothing physically, mentally, or spiritually that I could have given at this point. And I, I uttered, and this was the second time I, I literally uttered a prayer and said, okay, God, I know I'm not in control, but I wanna, I'm gonna offer you something up.
Brock: Like I, I [00:20:00] need help. Right? Yeah. And that, again, that deathbed confession. I'm like, listen, if you let me walk out here, I'll never use again. Like I'm telling you. I'll never relapse, but if you can't do that for me, will you take my life? Because I physically can't do this any longer. I don't have anything else to give.
Brock: I don't know how old you are. I'm an older guy. I was a huge WW F fan with Hulk Hogan, and when Hulk Hogan was getting beat, the referee would like grab his arm and he'd raise his arm and they would drop. And then he would grab it again and would drop, and the third time he would reach up and circle and then he'd go like this, and then you're the crowd.
Brock: Get going. You know? It was like his return and it literally felt like that. I had this rush of energy, this rush of power that came into my body. I'm like, I'm literally having this like out of body experience. [00:21:00] What is going on right now? And I, I was able to stand up and I was able to walk outta that bathroom.
Brock: And I can tell you I get emotional because this is really hard. In 15 years I've never relapsed. And again, it's not because of of my power.
Dominique: It's the will. It's the will that you had.
Brock: Yeah. It's just, I made a commitment, I made a, a decision on that moment not to do it. And it was that powerful, like that agreement, the mental part of addiction is harder than the physical part.
Brock: And I, I believe a lot of people feel like it's the chemical hook.
Dominique: Mm-hmm. To
Brock: the drug. It's not, it's the chemical hook to feeling better and feeling whole and feeling like I'm not a piece of crap.
Dominique: Like you said. I think that was something that's super important is it's a painkiller, not just physically, but it's emotionally numbing.
Dominique: And my brother actually said to me a couple days ago, we were having a conversation and I asked him. I said, and for those who don't know, [00:22:00] he's 20 years old and he's been using Fentanyl for a couple years now. And one of the things I asked him is like, what about it is so hard for you to stop or even to wanna begin to make a change?
Dominique: And he said, right now it's the only thing that makes me feel better about myself and makes me feel good. It just stops all the pain that I have. He said that in his own words, and I thought that made me feel more compassionate and more empathetic. When you understand it's not. Somebody's doing it maliciously or because they have some kind of ulterior motive, it's because they're coping in that moment, the best way that they know how to deal with whatever emotional pain, trauma that they might have been experiencing.
Brock: Yeah. I'm glad you made that correlation because I contact, I don't know, hundreds of people struggling in addiction a week. Yeah, and it's always the same thing. It's like, I don't wanna be addicted. I didn't choose to wake up this morning addicted. I'm just addicted to it.
Dominique: I always like the first time that someone picks up it, it is a choice.
Dominique: And then after [00:23:00] that, that choice is kind of robbed from you because now you're like handcuffed, whether it's drugs or alcohol. And I wanna use that as an opportunity to talk about the work you guys are doing at the Fentanyl project. Talking about what you guys are doing with the Mesa community, how did you get started with the project and what was the overall like mission behind it?
Brock: So my passion, the Fentanyl project dropped to my lap. Like, I was working for a playground company and I had a chance to go to a lot of parks and talk to a lot of homeless people. I like talking to people. I wanna know your story. Tell me your story. What? Like, why are you here? My story's different than your brother's story, right?
Brock: Doesn't mean my, my story's better or different than him, but I'm driving down the street and there's this kid sitting in the a church lot and he's sitting on the corner. He is, got his bags. I'm like, oh, I know what this is. He's homeless. God's like, Hey, go talk to him. I'm like, I'm busy, I'm working. I can't, so the second time, Hey, turn around and go talk to him.
Brock: I'm like, no, I'm [00:24:00] busy. I got other things to do. And the third time he's like, Hey, go talk to him. You have a, you have a message for him. I'm like, oh, what do I have? What message do I have to give this kid? Right? So I, I'm like, okay, begrudgingly. I turn around and I into.
Brock: You know, that's an always an awkward, you know, people are always like, well, how hard is it to approach people? It's, it's, sometimes it can be awkward, right? But I walked up, I sat next to him on the curb. I was like, Hey man, what's going on? Introduced myself. He's like, yeah, my name's Derek. I was like, what are you struggling with, man?
Brock: He is like, oh, I'm homeless. I'm 18 years old. I'm struggling with with heroin. And my parents kicked me out. They didn't approve it. I'm like, wow, man. So I took 10 minutes on my day mm-hmm. To talk to this kid and have a conversation and give him hope and say, dude. You are not the only guy out here fighting this battle.
Brock: You can do it. You know, make right, go home, talk to parents, whatever. And I went home and I was touched by this conversation. I sat with my wife and I was like, Hey, this is what happened. And she's like, mm-hmm. [00:25:00] That's a cool story. Why don't you post on Facebook about it? I'm like, what? No, that's like, it was kind of personal, you know?
Brock: I mean, I don't wanna out, I didn't wanna out anybody about addictions. I'm like, yeah. She's like, no. Post it. What if his parents and family are looking for him? Just tell the story. I'm like, okay. I posted it. Few hours later, my wife gets hooked up with his family and next thing you know, we're telling the dad where to find the kid.
Brock: Oh,
Dominique: I'm gonna cry.
Brock: Wow. Yeah. And, and when I started thinking of 'em, I was like, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there that have family members that are missing. And so I kept doing that. So I started throwing water and cookies and stuff in my truck. So when I drive around, I talk and I started recording their conversations and posting it with no goal of ev anything ever happening.
Brock: I'm in my pickup truck, it's my own time. I'm posting this. And if you look, watch the earlier videos, you can see [00:26:00] my pickup truck and not the van. Like it was grassroots, right? Yeah. I started doing this and the guy reaches out to me and says, Hey, can I buy you a van? You, you need to be able to put some stuff in there.
Brock: I'm like, sure. You know, so he donated me a, a big old van, and then the guy's like, Hey, can you design a wrap? I wanna wrap it for you, Mike. All of a sudden all these people wanna reach out and then companies start calling me and saying, Hey, can we send you 5,000 socks? Or Can we get you bicycles? Can we get you some hand warmers?
Brock: And I'm like, what? The people are cool out there. And so that's kind of how the project started. And now of course it's still grassroots, right? But now the messaging is changing a little bit. Mm-hmm. It is becoming a lot of education. What's happening in our communities, the Fentanyl project, I mean the fentanyl issues in the community, how we can help, how do you talk to your kids about addiction and, and so something that started out as God told me to talk to this young man has now [00:27:00] travel.
Brock: I mean, I think my wife told me it was July of 2021 when we started. That was the day we talked to him. So really it was a grasp. I, I think we all need some type of purpose in our recovery. My purpose became the Fentanyl project. My purpose, it burns when I'm not out there like helping people. I'm like, I gotta get out there.
Brock: You know? I haven't been out there in a day. So what I've done is I've donated two hours of my day and I go out. And I targeted Mesa, which is my community. I was born in Mesa. My addiction started in Mesa. Uh, I was a cop in Mesa. I got married in Mesa. I got divorced in me, like Mesa's my community. And so like, that's why people are like, well, why don't you go to Phoenix?
Brock: And I do sometimes, and I tell their stories over there too, but. But I don't have to leave five minutes from my house and I'm getting these stories.
Dominique: Yeah, it's true. Like I think where the passion is, where the community is, I think it's important to start with that connection is too. Yeah. I wanna go back to actually something that you said a couple minutes ago.
Dominique: [00:28:00] It choked me up when you were talking to an 18-year-old kid. I. And you know, your wife had encouraged you to post about it on social and you were kind of hesitant about it. I think there's so much power in having these conversations and talking about them. Mm-hmm. Because I think there's so much stigma, you know, especially with families.
Dominique: Maybe this kid is, parents had kicked him out and you know, he does no one to talk to about it. But I think having these conversations, it shows you that this is a disease that's affecting people beyond just them individually. These are people who are. Struggling with lack of connection and compassion, and there's so much stigma around it that the more we can have these conversations, I think we can start to break down that taboo behind addiction and homelessness.
Brock: Yeah. We actually started a, a movement called the Take 10 Movement, and basically what it is, is take 10 minutes of your day and go out and make a meaningful conversation. Do it face to face. Leave him with hope. If there was one bit of advice I could give, it'd be like, have the [00:29:00] conversation, stop being fearful.
Brock: Connect. If you saw my dm, they're all asking the same questions. How can I help my son? How do I help my daughter? I'm in recovery and I just got a couple this morning, was like, Hey dude, I just hit my five year mark. People want endorsement. Like, congratulations, I love what you're doing now. Keep doing it.
Brock: You know? And how do we open these conversations up? 'cause they're awkward and they're hard. How do I talk to my brother about the effects he's having on me and my family and just talk to him. I can't tell you how much avoidance we have. Like I don't wanna stir the pot. Yeah. I don't wanna talk to 'em.
Brock: Listen, it's the elephant in the room. Talk to 'em. Have the conversation. Let 'em know you love them and support them. You don't have to co-sign their behavior. Mm-hmm. You don't have to allow them to commit crimes and use stuff in your home. You can put up those boundaries, but you can also love that person to death.
Dominique: Yeah, I think that's beautifully said, and I think that's super important. You are doing these outreach [00:30:00] conversations and you're meeting with the community. What has that done for you personally? Like you're getting up close and personal with folks every single day, and your team is, what has that experience been like?
Brock: Uh, man, it's beautiful. It really is. I mean, it's hard. Don't get me wrong. There are moments I'm never scared. Like that's one of the big questions people, are you ever scared all these, they're addicts, right? They're bad people. I'm like, come on, man. Like literally, I've made thousands of contacts and only one time did I get nervous going from a police officer to active addiction to sobriety.
Brock: The Fentanyl project, for me, has been the best gift because it allows me to help people change. It allows me to give them hope. I know. Every person I talk to on the street is not gonna seek recovery. They're just not ready. But I'm gonna plant some seeds and I'm gonna water every time. I'm gonna keep going there and tell 'em, Hey, what can I get you today?
Brock: I know the goal is to [00:31:00] get you tomorrow to get sober.
Dominique: It's getting you one step closer to making that change, right? It's not about going from zero to 100, but if you can get that person from zero to 10 to 50, and. During that outreach, like what kind of resources and support have you seen to be the most helpful?
Brock: So Arizona struggles, it really does. We're on the border, so the amount of fentanyl, the amount of chaos, the amount of addiction, the amount of needs is probably more than a lot of the communities out there. And I'm not, I'm not comparing like, Hey, we're so different. But we're being inundated. I think we're the first line of defense that sees the change in the supplies.
Brock: So really, we're understaffed in every single area out here. We don't have enough detox centers. Our beds are almost always full. And then after the detox, they need recovery. Maybe use the sober living, whatever it is. But most times those are pretty full. When we can get 'em in, they do a great job, but [00:32:00] it's really hard getting people into facilities.
Dominique: Wow. It's like the lack of infrastructure. It's not just the physical resources and the handouts during outreach. It's about the societal picture. Like just getting the community involved at a larger scale.
Brock: Yeah. I believe it's the hardest topic to discuss. If we were talking about a, a down syndrome organization, you can get behind that because you know those children, they're beautiful, they're loving.
Brock: Right? It's, I'll give money to that because I'll support that cause. But once we start getting into addiction, it becomes sticky. It's not a sexy topic. The reason you donate or the reason you put your time and effort into it is because you've been affected by it. If you haven't been affected by it, you don't have the comprehension and the understanding to articulate your thoughts.
Dominique: And you think that, again, like you said earlier, that these are just a bunch of people who are bad or people who are criminals or people who are choosing this lifestyle. Most folks don't have the full context [00:33:00] behind it,
Brock: and that right there is why I do the Fentanyl project and why I post the videos.
Brock: Because if you watch the videos, I'm not just trying to embarrass these people because I have like 36,000 hours on my phone of different things. That's a lot of video. We see some crazy stuff that we don't post. I don't wanna embarrass that person. But I do post information. I'm sure if you've seen it. I try to be educational.
Brock: I try to explain what's happening to the body, what's happening to the mind, what happens to the family. I'm trying to really in depth, talk to them about their addiction because it gives them the opportunity, probably the first opportunity in however long to really think about where they're at.
Dominique: You said to share their story with somebody else who's not someone who they might just be around all day.
Dominique: Totally. Yeah, absolutely. And one of the things you kind of started to get into it is how the drug supply has started to change. Mesa being like that first line, seeing the immediate effects of [00:34:00] the changing supply, when fentanyl was introduced, that took most communities by the throat. Mm-hmm. And now with Xylazine being introduced into most supplies, what are some of the changes that you're seeing at a community level and the types of support that people need?
Brock: Absolute destruction. This stuff has taken 107,000 lives last year. Five Arizonans are dying a day. Wow. So if you start thinking about, there's a lot of numbers, man. And so what I'm seeing, the drug supply, when Fentanyl hit, it came in pills. It came in M 30 pills, right? And there were hundred times more potent than heroin.
Brock: Nobody can tell you how potent it. Ridiculous. So. Pushed into the streets, people started getting addicted to 'em, started to use 'em. They got down to 25 cents a pill.
Dominique: That's crazy.
Brock: That's the insanity of it, because if you think about it, like when I was using, if I was gonna sell my pills, I had M 30, I could have sell 'em [00:35:00] for a dollar a milligram.
Brock: So $30 or $80. Right. So it, they're expensive today. I can stay high for five. We started seeing people. Using a hundred pills a day.
Dominique: And it's also showing you like how short like the lifespan of the drugs are. Too
Brock: short. Yes. And how much we want to escape. So the pills came in. The pills blew up, and then they started getting what they call bunk.
Brock: They started putting less fentanyl, less fentanyl, less fentanyl. So it started making them go through withdrawals at the same time, introduced the fetty powder. The Fed powder is just skyrocket in potency, and so now you go from the pills, which were potent to the powder, which is an exceptional potency that are killing people left and right because they don't know how much.
Brock: How do you, how do you gauge how much powder to use? That's why we're seeing a lot of more of the overdose because the power powder is so freaking potent. [00:36:00] And then they started adding Xylazine into it, Ezines in it, and it's like, dude, how do we keep up on it? How do we make rules and regulations to regulate this stuff when it's a synthetic drug?
Dominique: And how are you treating it on the street?
Brock: Mm-hmm. So the xylazine are causing these major wounds. Yeah. People have gaping wounds where you can see muscle. Okay, well here's the deal. What's a painkiller?
Dominique: Yeah,
Brock: so they use fentanyl to mass the pain because if I go to the hospital and try to get treated, they're not even gonna touch my level of addiction.
Brock: They can't gimme enough methadone so I could stay on the streets and medicate myself and get out of pain quicker than I can at the hospital. So then I'd stay out here and then I let it go septic, and then finally I start feeling like I'm gonna die, go to the hospital and they get my leg cut off.
Dominique: Yeah.
Brock: Really what we're seeing.
Dominique: Yeah, I think that's a, a totally separate issue too, that I hear a lot is how people are going to either treatment, facilities, [00:37:00] hospitals, detox centers, et cetera, and they're being underm medicated. And that is also so devastating because you know, you're going through this detox and you have, you have very little support to actually get you through it.
Dominique: I'm not a doctor, but that Suboxone is being prescribed and they're just not prescribing enough or methadone, you know, they're starting folks off real low and. It's not even coming close to what they're using with Fentanyl or now with Xylazine. So I think that's a whole other conversation, but I think it's important to note that I think there's a misconception that people who go into these facilities want to just use more drugs and they're just asking for more and asking, yeah, they're asking for more.
Dominique: But I think it's because what they're being prescribed is not actually matching the dose that they're getting on the street, not even coming close to it. So I think it's less about. I, I don't wanna do this. It's about, I need, I need some more medications to actually help me to help stabilize me.
Brock: Mm. I like that.
Brock: Yeah. So it, it's potent. And here's the issue. Narcan does not [00:38:00] work on Xylazine because it's not an opiate derivative. You're getting powder with xylazine and fatty, and you're overdosing. How do you save them? Because it's not an opiate. So are they overdosing because of fentanyl? Are they overdosing 'cause of xylazine?
Brock: And we're seeing people using 12 canisters and coming back 12 canisters of Narcan having to use more and more canisters to save people because they're trying to just get 'em to overcome that. Yeah.
Dominique: What have you seen to be like the most urgent need on the street and. You know a lot of the people that are gonna be listening are families too.
Dominique: Yeah. And they might have loved ones who are on the street. What are some things that they can do in terms of like outreach support to help get them some resources? It really is. It's the mental health resources. Is it food? Is it connection?
Brock: Yeah. Such a great question. I love [00:39:00] that. The problem is, do you remember when you were in, in, in school and you read a book and it was like those.
Brock: Those mystery manual books. If you wanna go climb to the top of the mountain to find the crown, you go to page 15. That's what it feels like getting help. It's a hunt man. Like, because here's the deal, if they take my insurance only for five days, but they'll take me in detox, but they won't take me to recovery.
Brock: So then what? Right It and it is just this like trying to fill the puzzle on your own recovery. So you do have to have a family member that is willing to put in the time to find you, the detox center, to find you an aftercare program. So I, I think what we're seeing is there's a huge need for aftercare in Arizona.
Brock: So we're kicking ass, we're getting you into detox, you're going through your five whatever, 4, 5, 7 days, you're feeling better. And then. What happens if we can't find you at rehab? Yeah. So we get you, we, we can get you into rehab maybe for, for 15 days because that's all your [00:40:00] insurance is gonna pay. But here's where the breakdown is.
Brock: Where do we put you? You were, you came in homeless, so you weren't living with family, you didn't have an apartment, you didn't have a supportive wife, family member, whatever. Right? So now what we gotta do, man, your insurance is paid up. We gotta let you go. So we go and we drop you right back on the street.
Dominique: And where do you go?
Brock: Yep. You go right back into connect. Same place, no connections, your people, places and things that are comfortable. So we go right back into using, and you may, I mean, I've seen guys been out on, they're cold. They're, they're just cold. Turkeying it, they're doing the best they can right?
Brock: For, for two or three days. And they're like, dude, what the heck? Wow, I doing this. This is stupid.
Dominique: I love that you talked about the aftercare. That's something that like with me and my brother's experience is like, that's been one of the most challenging things for him is like, it's not just getting him into a program, it's how he's being set up afterwards.
Dominique: Like there was this one experience, I think it was some point last year, he did a couple weeks at a program. [00:41:00] They had him set up on methadone, went set up at a outpatient methadone clinic. He's waiting their hours, right? Like now you haven't gotten dosed. It's been, how many hours are you waiting? You gotta do your intake, you gotta wait for the doctor and.
Dominique: Someone who's fresh outta rehab, it's like, I don't have time for this. Like, I'm getting sick just waiting for this. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna go right back to the street, right? And get your dose somewhere else, wherever you know how, and it's like, becomes like this visual cycle. And it's like a scary place to be because it, there's no like right or wrong way to do this anymore.
Dominique: It's just like, like you don't know what's gonna work for yourself or for your loved one anymore. There's no secret formula for it.
Brock: I think it's surgical. I think that it is. So, it is failure ready. I mean, I can sit outside of a methadone clinic and I can record for hours because that's true. They get to a methadone.
Brock: First of all, they gotta find a ride, and the insurance pays for the ride. So they get 'em there, they get 'em in line, [00:42:00] and then you put your number in and then you get called. So you go outside and you wait. Just a shady, shady area, right. Most of the time. Yeah. And then who shows up?
Dominique: Yep. You got drug dealers outside.
Brock: Yes. And they're right out there and you're like, dude, hey. If you just take a hit at this, it'll get you through the lines. It's the vulnerability
Dominique: of it. Yeah. Yes,
Brock: yes. Man. It's like putting a chocolate cake in front of a kid right here. I'm that guy you put in front of me, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah. Even though I tell myself over and over, I'm not gonna do it.
Brock: Wanna be outta pain.
Dominique: Especially with like an unregulated supply and that it keeps changing. It's like you don't really know how much you can handle. Right. You might think, oh, I could take one more pill, or I could have one more line, or whatever it is, and. That could be it. You're pushing the envelope because you wanna keep numbing yourself.
Dominique: Yeah. Each
Brock: nature. Right. Each one of us in addiction, if, if you put us all in a line, we share one characteristic, the [00:43:00] inability to self-regulate, I can't self-regulate. Mm-hmm. Like I go to the gym, I go too much.
Dominique: Yeah.
Brock: I exercise. I exercise too much. I eat, I eat too much.
Dominique: Yeah.
Brock: Like it's always too excess. But that's a trait that most of us in addiction have.
Dominique: It's the feel good. Right? Oh, amen. I wanna get to one more important angle that we haven't gotten to yet. You've encountered people from. All walks of life across Mesa, Arizona, and it's not always black and white. You have different stories. You have older people, you have younger people, people who might be homeless, maybe not addicted.
Dominique: What do you think is one of the most important or most powerful stories that you've come across during your outreach that's really resonated with you? Is there something that you feel might be helpful for families to hear who are wrestling with that idea of what can I do to support my loved one or.
Dominique: Why can't they just get help? Are there any stories that have really stood out to you over the last couple of years?
Brock: I think I [00:44:00] have too many, but one really hits me today because she just hit one year today, summer. If you're listening. Um, I'm so proud of her. I had first met Summer about two miles from my house.
Brock: She was sitting outside on the curb. She had a pill bottle in her hands. Her dad was the, the mediator. He kind of taught her how to use. Mm-hmm. So this lady has children, daughters. She was married and when I found her, she of course is going through it, and her story was just resonated with me. It was beautiful.
Brock: She was so kind, but she wasn't ready to get sober. A few months later, I see her again. I do another video with her. I talk to her, tell her I love her. I was like, Hey, I'm not going away. I'm still right here. Mm-hmm.
Dominique: If you need
Brock: help, here's my phone number. The next time I see her, she's really bad. Really bad.
Brock: Not doing it. I could tell she was sick. She was with stolen property. Like, come on summer, you're better than this and you're beautiful. And I love you and I, I'm here for you. I mean, Costa Rica. And I [00:45:00] get a phone call from her. She's like, Brock, this is summer. I'm ready to go to rehab. I'm like, summer, I'm in freaking Costa Rica, but stay sober.
Brock: 'cause I'm gonna be home in a couple of days and I'll meet up with you. And she's like, yeah, okay. Deal. A couple days later, she calls me, she goes, Brock, I'm still sober. I need help. I need to get into rehab. So we talk, great video, great conversation. Like just such a good person, man. Then she gets into rehab.
Brock: She calls me up a couple days later and says, Hey Brock, I need a bike. So I, I go down, up, up and, and I put it out there online and I have two ladies send me some money. And I'm like, we're gonna get this girl a bike. I put the story out there, and that's what I love about the social media is people love people and they love helping.
Brock: And so, and I don't ask for a ton, but like, it was a, I need to get this girl a bike. Here's her story. So I had, I don't know how much money, 500, I think my wife and I go to [00:46:00] Walmart, crappy bikes. We go all over the place just but target crappy bikes like girl do, right? And so I went the specialized place here in East Mesa.
Brock: And I walk in, I'm like, Hey guys, here's my story. I got this young lady, she's struggling with addiction. She's sober a couple months, she's trying to get back and forth from work. She's in a sober living, she's doing it. I just need some freaking help. And the owner of the specialized company from Colorado is standing in the building.
Brock: Wow. Like what are the chances of that? Right. Because if you're not an owner, you can't make that decision. He walks up, he goes, Hey, let me look at my computer. I think I got something for you. He pulls off a thousand dollars specialized. Whew. I get emotional because it gives us this specialized for 500 bucks.
Brock: Then we were able to take the bike to her business where she was working at. We take it in there and gear, and she's just like, it's just beautiful. And we're able to give her, donate her this bike, you know, from the, from the community, all the [00:47:00] community reaching out and doing good things. Went out with me yesterday on the Fentanyl project and she hits one year today.
Brock: And it's like, dude and I, that's why I told her, I was like, summer, I knew you were gonna do it the whole time. And in her video I talked about rock bottom. She says, yeah, I hit rock bottom a year ago. I knew I was gonna do this, but I wasn't ready. So like if there's a word I could share to parents is there is gonna be a moment.
Brock: Don't miss it. Don't get so wrapped up into my son or my daughter's. Just a piece of shit. They're just, they keep lying to me. They're just, listen, they're inactive addiction, okay? They're in the middle of it and we don't make good decisions. The only thing we care about at that point in time is the drug.
Brock: Once we get sober, the only thing we care about is you. And so that's what, that's what I wish people could understand about addiction. You can watch 'em recover
Dominique: [00:48:00] and you can be supportive along that way. Yeah, I think that's beautifully said. I'm getting emotional and yeah, it makes me wanna like call up my mom and my brother and like, yeah, give some positive hope.
Dominique: So thank you for that.
Brock: Yeah. You know, let me end with this. In recovery in life, there's four areas that have to. For us to live in a sober environment. So the four areas are home, health, community, purpose. If you look at a healthy person, let's take you, I'm assuming you're healthy, right? Your home life is stable.
Brock: Your home life is a place of peace and refuge. Most of us in active addiction do not have that home life that is peace, that is calm. Most of us struggle with mental health. What came first? The chicken or the egg, right? What came first? Addiction or mental health? We don't know. Spiritual. What are you connected to?
Brock: What's getting you up in the morning? It can be God, it can be the ocean. It can be whatever you want it to be, but that's step one, right? I need help. And then the physical. When's the last time they went to the [00:49:00] doctor? When's the last time they went to the gym? Next one. Your community. Who are you hanging out with?
Brock: Most addicts hanging around with addicts. You are who you hang out with. Their purpose is. Get dope. Get dope, get dope. You as a parent, as a loved one, as a guardian, as whatever therapist, those areas have to be regulated before someone's gonna be really successful. And I'm not saying go out and buy 'em an apartment, I'm not saying that.
Brock: I'm just saying when you look at us, we all struggle with those four areas. So how are we gonna buoy them up and help them through
Dominique: it? Yeah, absolutely. So there you go. Yeah, I think that's super important. I think it actually does a great job of actually. Laying out like the spectrum first you gotta like stabilize this person.
Dominique: Let's get them like feeling, okay, let's get them in a good place and then they can work on all these other areas. And I think that's important for families to remember. I think a lot of the times we expect our loved ones who are in active addiction to be able to stop hanging out with this person or show up to family functions and [00:50:00] do A, B, and C.
Dominique: And it's like you're asking a lot of this person to be able to do all these things. When they might not even be listening to you, because like you said, they're thinking about how can I get my next fix? People think it's a disrespect thing. It's has nothing to do with you. It's about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Dominique: I need this to feel good before I can start my day, before I can do these things. So I think removing the idea that it's personal, I think people will be able to approach situations with a little bit more compassion and find the hope that they might be looking for. Love it. So I wanna thank you for coming onto the show today.
Dominique: We touched on a lot of topics, your personal story. We touched on the drug supply, we touched on the resources that people are actually looking for. So I wanna thank you for helping us answer some of those important questions and sharing those stories.
Brock: You are so welcome.
Dominique: Thanks for listening to this episode of For Love Recovery. If you enjoyed this episode or know somebody who might, please leave a comment and share it. [00:51:00] You can also join our Facebook group, Siblings For Love of Recovery, if you're looking to have deeper conversations around your sibling's use of drugs or alcohol. And remember, where there is hope, there is healing.